Monday, April 12, 2010

Phrases for letter-writers to the Guardian

TO PROVIDE balance to the Daily Mail letter-writer's guide, some useful phrases for budding letter-writers to the Guardian:

1) Neo-liberal agenda.
2) Appease their neo-conservative paymasters and controllers.
3) Save the polar bears.
4) The race to the bottom.
5) Rightwing fundamentalists.
6) George Bush the war criminal.
7) Sinister racist elements.
8) Rightwing reactionaries.
9) U.S. imperialism.
10) The proletariat will rise again.
11) Tax the rich.
12) The capitalist machine.
13) The old boys club.
14) Global warming is real.
15) ...must end cheap air travel.
16) Attacks on the poor.
17) Republicans are worse than Nazis.
18) Faux News.
19) Thatcher the high priestess of the uncaring Right.
20) We need to create a caring society.
21) Meat is murder.
22) I'm a liberal and what you do is your own business but this is unacceptable. . .
23) I'm all for free speech but he should be jailed.
24) The objectification of women.
25) How could a so-called newspaper print that?
26) We are all immigrants so how can you be against immigration?
27) There are no borders.
28) I think everyone should be considered on their own merits but we need affirmative action for minorities.
29) Love is free.
30) The most vulnerable in society.
31) Society failed him/her
32) America the nation of terror.
33) I don't support him but I can see where bin Laden was coming from.
34) How can you say Muslim women are repressed? Objectification of the female form in the west is the real repression.
35) Most of the opposition to Obama is race-based etc.
36) At least Cuba has a proper health service.
37) Who are the real terrorists?
38) State-funded terrorism.
39) I'm a vegan.
40) Marx was right.
41) Human rights obligations.
42) A direct contravention of international law.
43) Wage-cutting agenda.
44) We are all one race.
45) UN convention on human rights, article 5, subsection 3. . .
46) I'm all for the right to political assembly but we should ban the BNP.
47) A most egregious abuse of power.
48) In Sweden they. . .
49) In Denmark they. . .
50) In the Netherlands they. . .
51) Dog eat dog society.
52) The enormity of the situation.
53) Eco-friendly.
54) A greener way.
55) Corporate-control of resources.
56) Property is theft.
57) Malign corporate influence.
58) Business interests.
59) We live in an oligarchy, not a democracy.
60) At least in Africa they aren't controlled by commercialism.
61) Savage cuts.
62) Who is he/she to judge?
63) ...must stop feeding our children poison.
64) I'm a pacifist.
65) We must use legitimate resistance to State aggression (riot).
65) War-mongers.
66) Embrace diversity.
67) We only ban cannabis because the government can't tax it.
68) More spending, less taxes (except for rich elites).
69) Marginalised members of the community.
70) Value all cultures equally.
71) Value most cultures equally.
72) Value tolerant cultures equally, but not intolerant ones, but still tolerate them all . . .
73) We have to fight for those with no voice.
74) Yours sincerely,
Neville Humperton, PHD.
75) Yours sincerely,
Belinda Wigglesworth, MD
76) Yours sincerely,
Neville James, Peace
77) Hate speech is a crime.
78) BNP bigots.
79) The spirit of the 60s.
80) Relative poverty.
81) Wealth inequality.
82) Social justice.
83) The media represents the corporate elite.
84) Radical voices cannot be heard under capitalism.
85) Noam Chomsky's multi-million selling work. . .
86) Heaven forfend.
87) Puritanical throwbacks to the 50s.
88) Conservatives imposing their morality. . .
88) Pornography degrades women - ban it.
89) Strip clubs degrade women - ban them.
90) Saturated fats cause obesity - ban them.
91) Sun beds cause cancer - ban them.
92) Daily Mail readers.
93) Moral panic.
94) I'd rather be PC than racist.
95) Che Guevara once said. . .
96) Chauvinist pigs.
97) Ban the burqa. Embrace the burqa. Which one is the burqa?
98) Why don't we ban mini skirts and high heels too?
99) Marriage enslaves women.
100) I'm not a man-hater, I even know nice men, but. . .

I think that somewhat evens the score...


Cian said...

Except, unlike the Daily Mail writer's guide, those phrases almost never (and in quite a few cases, I think never) appear in any letter published in the Guardian.

But hey, I'm sure that journalism masters is teaching you a healthy disregard facts :-)

Craig said...

The article was clearly intended to be humourous, Cian. It's good to finally get intelligent balance to the ivory-tower liberal left that has dominated political discourse for so long, mainly due to the cowardice of "conservatives" who have abandoned their values in order to not offend minorities (read: potential voters).